


Tell Me Where It Hurts

by impossiblesongs



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Canonical Character Death, F/M, Pre-Episode: s04e08 Silence in the Library
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-21
Updated: 2013-09-21
Packaged: 2017-12-27 04:22:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/974274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/impossiblesongs/pseuds/impossiblesongs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"A day will come where I won't know who you are." He says sadly. He can see it doesn't register as clearly as it should. Her future with him is with a man who doesn't know her. She has no idea what it will do to her. What he will do to her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tell Me Where It Hurts

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: These are not my characters. This has been a disclaimer.  
> AN: I feel like an awful person for this one. I'm sorry.

 

 

_"You'll see me again." She assures, "You've got all of that to come. You and me, time and space. You watch us run."_

_His wrist feels like its being torn through the more he struggles to find release from the handcuffs she's chained him with. He has to get out of them. The download will burn heart out if he doesn't stop her._

_Her tears fall and his hearts ache, he doesn't even know this woman and yet the thought of her dying terrifies him more than anything has in a long time. Every story needs a good death, he had said to Donna, and here it is. It's happening right before his eyes yet here she is telling him this is only the beginning._

_"River, you know my name." He trembles, he can't help it. "You whispered my name in my ear. There's only one reason I would ever tell anyone my name." His wrist feels numb, "There's only one time I could..."_

_The word 'autodestruct' rings in his ears._

_"Hush now," she smiles, "Spoilers."_

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

The all-consuming terror shakes him awake. A dream.  _The_  dream. The one that doesn't stop. He's surrounded by darkness. His shirt clings to his chest, the sweat making it stick, damp and uncomfortable. He pulls at his bowtie and takes it off. Tries to breathe. His hands seek out for a familiar body that lays beside him. He finds nothing. His hearts ache, they feel like they've caught fire. He doesn't even realize he's shouting her name until she shows up at the doorway and rushes over to him.

"Doctor, what's wrong?" She looks him over with a fit of worry.

She's more than half startled when he grabs for her, his hand wrapping around her wrist and dragging her down to their bed so he can hold her. He closes his eyes and concentrates on the present.

_She's real. She's real. She's here._

"Doctor you're flushed. Tell me what's wrong." River says.

"Nothing just," He grins sadly, "Bad dream is all." And he wishes it was just that. A bad dream.

"Well, you slipped right off to sleep before I even got to join you. You really should try to catch yourself when you're tired, Doctor. You really are getting old." She says fondly.

"I'm not that old, River Song." He holds her just a tiny bit tighter than he has to. Tries to find himself content because he has here there now, with him. He has to try harder to keep his focus on the present. The past keeps pulling at him, nagging at him because she's closer than ever before. He's going to lose her. He always will.

"River." He breathes her in, lets her presence curl around him. Anytime she is near he is hers to own. "There's going to be a time where I won't…"

He silences. Stays that way until she finally sighs and runs a hand through his hair. An act she knows comforts him.

"Won't what, my love?" She asks.

"I won't be the same." He answers.

River pulls away to look at him properly, a look in her eye telling him she's quite knowledgeable of how that works.

"I mean, I won't have this face." He specifies. He tries to ignore the blind faith in her eyes, in him. In her Doctor. "And one day will come where…"

And he smiles at the irony of it all. Of the early days where he knew nothing of who River Song was to him. He'd have though they'd be the worst of it. Thought that when he'd finally know who she was that would be the end of it. The final answer to her riddle and then he could send her off on her way.

In the beginning she was unknown and he would have liked her to stay that way but he knew. He had enough of an inkling to know, not guess, exactly who she was. Woman from the future, had his screwdriver, had Jack's sonic blaster, a blue book of secrets and then came the worst of it. The proof that left him no space to deny her. She knew his name.

Oh, he knew exactly who she'd be. And it scared him to death.

She started out as nothing and then she became  _everything_.

"A day will come where I won't know who you are." He says sadly.

He can see it doesn't register as clearly as it should. Her future with him is with a man who doesn't know her. She has no idea what it will do to her. What _he_  will do to her. He pushes forward and continues before he loses the nerve to do so.

"There's something I need you to do, River. I need you to go back in time and help me. There are going to be times when I need you and I won't know why, you  _can't_ tell me why. Spoilers. We've gone over this and this, what I'm asking of you, is why. You'll need those rules when you do go back." He remembers the crash of the Byzantium, the angels in Amy's head. "Your mother will be there," he adds, "And she will need you as well."

"Alright, that doesn't seem so hard." River smiled.

He winces.

"There's something else. Something that is very important." He takes her face in his hands, looks at her with silent desperation, the fear he's lived with for so long, of what's to become of her. "One day, when I don't have this face, when I don't know who you are at all, I need you to promise me something."

River nods immediately, "Anything."

"Oh, River." He breathes out, resting his forehead against hers and has to fight against the urge to just run. Run and run and never stop running so long as she's by his side. It would destroy all of creation and he'd be lying if he'd say he's not tempted to take that chance.

"River, please." He begs, "Know that I'm still in there, somewhere."


End file.
